Forgiveness

== Research ==
[[File:Determinants of Forgiveness Graphic.JPG|thumb|Factors determining the likelihood of forgiveness in an intimate relationship]]

{{As of|2006}}, there is no consensus for a psychological definition of forgiveness in research literature. However, there is agreement that forgiveness is a process, and a number of models describing the process of forgiveness have been published, including one from a radical behavioral perspective.<ref>{{cite journal|last1=Cordova|first1=J.|last2=Cautilli|first2=J.|last3=Simon|first3=C.|last4=Axelrod-Sabtig|first4=R|year=2006|title=Behavior Analysis of Forgiveness in Couples Therapy|journal=IJBCT|volume=2|number=2|page=192}}</ref>

Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin–Madison founded the International Forgiveness Institute and initiated forgiveness studies. He developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness.<ref>{{cite book|first=Robert|last=Enright|title=Forgiveness Is a Choice|publisher=American Psychological Association|year=2001|isbn=1-55798-757-2}}</ref> In that model, to forgive someone, you should examine the wrong you suffered, who caused it, and the context in which it happened; consider the anger you feel about it, any shame or guilt associated with it, and how it has affected you; decide whether you want to advance into an attitude of forgiveness, and, if so: work on understanding, compassion, and acceptance, and make a gesture of reconciliation to the offender; then, reformulate the way you remember your experience of being wronged and of developing forgiveness in ways that healthily integrate this into your life story.

A longitudinal study showed that people who were generally more [[neuroticism|neurotic]], angry, and hostile in life were less likely to forgive another person even after a long time had passed. They were more likely to avoid their transgressor and want to enact revenge upon them two and a half years after the transgression.<ref>{{cite journal|last1=Maltby|first1=J.|last2=Wood|first2=A.M.|last3=Day|first3=L.|last4=Kon|first4=T.W.H.|last5=Colley|first5=A.|last6=Linley|first6=P.A.|year=2008|url=http://personalpages.manchester.ac.uk/staff/alex.wood/forgiveness.pdf|url-status=dead|title=Personality predictors of levels of forgiveness two and a half years after the transgression|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20090319205217/http://personalpages.manchester.ac.uk/staff/alex.wood/forgiveness.pdf |archive-date=2009-03-19|journal=Journal of Research in Personality|volume=42|issue=4 |pages=1088–1094|doi=10.1016/j.jrp.2007.12.008 }}</ref>

Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments.<ref>{{cite web | year = 2006 | url = http://www.forgiving.org | title = Forgiving (Campaign for Forgiveness Research) | access-date = 2006-06-19 | url-status = dead | archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20060615102050/http://www.forgiving.org/ | archive-date = 2006-06-15 }}</ref> The first study to look at how forgiveness improves physical health discovered that when people think about forgiving an offender their [[Cardiovascular System|cardiovascular]] and [[nervous system]] functioning improves.<ref>{{cite journal|last1=Witvilet|first1=C. Van Oyen|last2=Ludwig|first2=T.E.|first3=K.L.|last3=Vander Lann|title=Granting Forgiveness or Harboring Grudges: Implications for Emotions, Physiology and Health|journal=Psychological Science|number=12|year=2001|volume=12 |pages=117–23|doi=10.1111/1467-9280.00320 |pmid=11340919 |s2cid=473643 |url=https://digitalcommons.hope.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2300&context=faculty_publications }}</ref> Another study found the more forgiving people were, the less they suffered from a wide range of illnesses. Less forgiving people reported a greater number of health problems.<ref>{{cite journal|first=S.|last=Sarinopoulos|title=Forgiveness and Physical Health: A Doctoral Dissertation Summary|journal=World of Forgiveness|number=2|year=2000|pages=16–18}}</ref>

Dr. Fred Luskin of Stanford University, author of ''Forgive for Good'', presented evidence that forgiveness can be learned (i.e. is a teachable skill, with practice) based on research into the effects of teaching forgiveness. This research gave empirical support to the powerful, positive health effects of forgiveness. In three separate studies, including one with Catholics and Protestants from Northern Ireland whose family members were murdered in [[The Troubles|the political violence]], he found that people who are taught how to forgive become less angry, feel less hurt, are more optimistic, become more forgiving in a variety of situations, and become more compassionate and self-confident. His studies show a reduction in experience of stress, in physical manifestations of stress, and an increase in vitality.<ref name="fred" />

=== Ideas about what forgiveness is not ===
{{pov section|date=July 2023}}
* Forgiveness is not condoning<ref name="apa" /><ref name="fred"/>
* Forgiveness is not forgetting<ref name="apa" /><ref name="fred" />
* Forgiveness is not excusing (i.e. making reasons to explain away offender's responsibility or free will)<ref name="apa" /><ref name="fred" />
* Forgiveness does not have to be religious or otherworldly<ref name="fred" />
* Forgiveness is not minimizing your hurt<ref name="fred" />
* Forgiveness is not reconciliation (i.e. reestablishing trust in the relationship)<ref name="apa" /><ref name="fred" /><ref>{{cite web |last1=Worthington |first1=Everett |title=Everett Worthington - Justice, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation: How Psychology Informs Theology |url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVXYuPKXEOQ |website=Youtube |publisher=GordonConwell |access-date=19 December 2019}}{{cbignore}} (Archived at [https://ghostarchive.org/varchive/youtube/20211211/JVXYuPKXEOQ Ghostarchive]{{cbignore}} and the [https://web.archive.org/web/20200430053547/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVXYuPKXEOQ&gl=US&hl=en Wayback Machine]{{cbignore}})</ref>
* Forgiveness is not denying or suppressing anger; rather its focus is on resentment.<ref>{{multiref2
|1={{cite web |last1=Romm |first1=Cari |title=Rushing to Forgiveness is not a Binary State |url=https://www.thecut.com/2017/01/forgiveness-is-not-a-binary-state.html |website=The Cut |date=11 January 2017 |access-date=19 December 2019}}
|2={{Cite web|first1=Paul M.|last1=Hughes|first2=Brandon|last2=Warmke|url=https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/forgiveness/#EmotAcco|title=Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy|at=Emotion Accounts (of what forgiveness is)|date=2017-05-31|access-date=2020-01-18}}
}}</ref><ref name="Stosny">{{cite book |last1=Stosny |first1=Steven |title=Living & Loving after Betrayal |date=September 1, 2013 |publisher=New Harbinger Publications |isbn=978-1608827527 |page=227}}</ref><ref name="fred" />—in particular, in order to forgive it is healthy to acknowledge and express negative emotions, before you can forgive<ref name="Wanda" />
* Forgiveness is not ignoring accountability or justice<ref>{{multiref2
|1={{cite web |last1=Enright |first1=Robert |title=Two Weaknesses of Forgiving: it victimizes and it stops justice |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-forgiving-life/201708/two-weaknesses-forgiving-it-victimizes-and-stops-justice |date=2017-08-10|website=Psychology Today |access-date=19 December 2019}}
|2={{cite web |last1=Marsh |first1=Jason |title=Is Vengeance Better For Victims, than Forgiveness? |url=https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_vengeance_better_for_victims_than_forgiveness |date=2015-07-29|website=Greater Good |access-date=19 December 2019}}
}}</ref>—in particular, punishment and compensation are independent of the choice to forgive (you can forgive, or not forgive, and still pursue punishment and/or compensation, regardless)<ref>{{multiref2
|1={{cite web |last1=Luskin |first1=Fred|last2=Seago|first2=Laura |title=Forgiveness is not what you think it is |url=https://www.curablehealth.com/podcast/forgiveness-is-not-what-you-think-it-is-dr-fred-luskin |website=Curable Health |publisher=Laura Seago |access-date=19 December 2019}}
|2={{Cite book|title=Exploring Forgiveness|last=North|first=Joanna|publisher=University of Wisconsin|year=1998|isbn=0299157741|page=17}}
}}</ref><ref name="Zaibert">{{cite journal |last1=Zaibert |first1=Loe |title=The Paradox of Forgiveness |journal=Journal of Moral Philosophy |year=2009 |volume=6 |issue=3 |pages=365–393 |doi=10.1163/174552409X433436 |url=http://minerva.union.edu/zaibertl/zaibert%20the%20paradox%20of%20forgiveness.pdf |access-date=19 December 2019 |archive-date=19 October 2021 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20211019081048/https://minerva.union.edu/zaibertl/zaibert%20the%20paradox%20of%20forgiveness.pdf |url-status=dead }}</ref>
* Forgiveness is not pardoning; it cannot be granted or chosen by someone else<ref name="apa" /><ref name="fred" />
* Emotional forgiveness is not the same as decisional{{jargon inline|date=July 2023}} forgiveness or the expression of forgiveness. Expressing emotions (i.e., "I am angry at you" or "I forgive you") is not the same as genuinely having or experiencing the emotions (i.e., people can deny, mistake, or lie about their emotional experience to another person while genuinely feeling something else instead)<ref name="Zaibert" /><ref>{{multiref2
|1={{cite web |last1=Seltzer |first1=Leon F. |title=Fake vs. True Forgiveness |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evolution-the-self/201502/fake-vs-true-forgiveness|date=2015-02-20|website=Psychology Today |access-date=19 December 2019}}
|2={{cite journal |last1=Worthington |first1=Everett |title=Forgiveness is an emotion-focused coping strategy that can reduce health risks and promote health resilience |journal=Psychology & Health |date=February 1, 2001 |volume=19 |issue=3 |pages=385–405 |doi=10.1080/0887044042000196674 |s2cid=10052021 |url=https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/Worthington-ForgivenessCopingStrategy.pdf |access-date=19 December 2019}}
}}</ref>
* Although this is heavily debated,<ref name="Field" /> emotional forgiveness is for you, not the offender<ref name="fred">{{cite book |first1=Fred |last1=Luskin |title=Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health & Happiness |date=September 2003 |publisher=HarperOne |isbn=978-0062517210 |page=[https://archive.org/details/forgiveforgoodpr00lusk/page/7 7–8] |url=https://archive.org/details/forgiveforgoodpr00lusk/page/7 }}</ref> (i.e., unless you choose to make it so: by expressing it, or by trying to reconcile)

=== The timeliness of forgiveness ===
Psychologist Wanda Malcolm, in ''Women's Reflections on the Complexities of Forgiveness'', outlines reasons why forgiveness takes time: when work on self (care/healing) takes priority (i.e. therapy, medical injuries, etc.), when issues of {{clarify|text=relational|date=July 2023}} safety need to be addressed, and where facilitating forgiveness may be premature immediately after an interpersonal offense.<ref name="Wanda">{{cite book |last1=Malcolm |first1=Wanda |title=Women's Reflections on the Complexities of Forgiveness |date=Oct 19, 2007 |publisher=Routledge |isbn=978-0415955058 |pages=275–291}}</ref> Malcolm explains that "premature efforts to facilitate forgiveness may be a sign of our reluctance to witness our client’s pain and suffering and may unwittingly reinforce the client’s belief that the pain and suffering is too much to bear and must be suppressed or avoided."<ref name="Wanda" />

Worthington ''et al.'' observed that “anything done to promote forgiveness has little impact unless substantial time is spent at helping participants think through and emotionally experience their forgiveness”.<ref>{{cite journal | last1=Worthington | first1=Everett L. | last2=Kurusu | first2=Taro A. | last3=Collins | first3=Wanda | last4=Berry | first4=Jack W. | last5=Ripley | first5=Jennifer S. | last6=Baier | first6=Sasha N. | title=Forgiving Usually Takes Time: A Lesson Learned by Studying Interventions to Promote Forgiveness | journal=Journal of Psychology and Theology | publisher=SAGE Publications | volume=28 | issue=1 | year=2000 | issn=0091-6471 | doi=10.1177/009164710002800101 | pages=3–20| s2cid=146762070 }}</ref> Efforts to facilitate forgiveness may be premature and even harmful immediately after an interpersonal injury.<ref name="Wanda" /><ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/is-psychology-making-us-sick/201409/6-reasons-not-forgive-not-yet|title=6 reasons not to forgive, not yet|last=Bedrick|first=David|website=Psychology Today|date=2014-09-25|access-date=2020-01-18}}</ref>